“Children are not a distraction from more important work. They are the most important work.” – C.S. Lewis

In the conversation around parenting, the role of fathers is often under-appreciated. Yet their consistent presence—both physical and emotional—can profoundly shape a child’s development.

Being a father is not just a role; it’s a relationship.  And while it comes with sacrifice, it also offers deep joy and purpose.  Fathers, just like mothers, contribute in unique and essential ways to their child’s emotional wellbeing.

Fathers and Mothers: Different by Design

Fathers typically engage through physical, high-energy play and boundary setting—behaviors influenced by vasopressin, a hormone linked to protective and stimulating responses. Mothers, often driven by oxytocin, offer calming nurturance through gentle touch, empathy, and soothing presence.

Children don’t need one or the other. They need both. This balance creates the foundation for secure attachment—essential for emotional regulation, social skills, and resilience.

When Fathers Are Absent—Even Emotionally

Many children today suffer not just from physical absence, but from emotional absenteeism. Fathers may be in the home, but stress, distraction, and emotional unavailability can still leave children feeling unseen and unsupported.

This emotional disconnect is linked to long-term challenges—anxiety, aggression, poor self-esteem, and difficulty with relationships.

Erica Komisar (Being There Why Prioritizing Motherhood in the First Three Years Matters) emphasises that emotional presence in early years lays the groundwork for psychological stability later in life.

Three Ways Fathers Can “Show Up”

1. Be There for Key Transitions Even if your time is limited, aim to be present during at least two daily transitions: mornings, after school, dinnertime, or bedtime. These moments create emotional anchors.

2. Listen Without Fixing Your child often doesn’t need solutions—just connection. Listening with empathy helps them feel safe and understood.

3. Reflect and Repair You won’t always get it right. What matters most is the ability to reflect, apologise when needed, and model emotional growth. Children learn resilience from how we handle our own missteps.

Parenting skills can be learned.

At Parent and Educational Training, we teach parents the communication tools they need to build relationships of mutual trust, emotional connection, and real understanding with their children.

For more information, visit: www.parents.co.za