From Tantrum to Temper: Helping Toddlers Grow Beyond Immaturity

Few parenting challenges feel as overwhelming as a toddler tantrum. One moment your child is laughing, the next they’re on the floor in protest — tears, screams, little fists pounding. We call it a “temper tantrum,” but the truth is toddlers don’t yet have temper.

What Temper Really MeansTemper comes from a root meaning balance or to bring into measure. Just as tempered steel becomes strong and resilient, emotional temper means self-control. Toddlers can’t yet hold two feelings together — “I want the toy AND Mom said no” — so frustration overwhelms them. That overwhelm is the tantrum.

How Parents Can RespondTantrums aren’t bad behavior; they are signs of immaturity. In these moments, children borrow calm from us. Our role is not to punish, but to guide:

·       Stay steady.

·       Keep firm but kind boundaries.

·       Offer connection in the storm.

The Skills That HelpParent Effectiveness Training (P.E.T.) provides parents with practical tools such as:

·       Active Listening – helping your child feel understood when words fail them.

·       I-Messages – expressing your own needs without blame.

·       Problem-Solving (Method III) – turning conflicts into cooperation.

These skills shift tantrums from battles into opportunities for growth, building your child’s capacity for balance and resilience.

How I Can Support YouEvery child and family is different. That’s why I offer:

·       Private parenting consultations (online or in-person in Pretoria) to address your real-life challenges.

·       Workshops and talks where parents can learn and practice these skills together.

Next time a tantrum erupts, remember: your calm, your words, and your connection are shaping your child’s future.

📩 To book a consultation or find out more, email me at parentssouthafrica@gmail.com.